Accept Challenges as Growth Opportunities

 

There is an attractive lie that creates confusion and discouragement. Some forms include – “I’ve been through BreakThrough Seminar so I will not continue to struggle with life challenges.” ”If I have enough faith and positive enthusiasm, then I will not be tempted by old patterns of choices, I won’t be discouraged and and healthy choices will be easy to make.” “if I really have enough ‘faith’ then I won’t have to do anymore work with my past issues.” Recognize the lie? It can sound very attractive.

 

“On the spiritual (healthy) path, we are always beginners” an ancient wisdom saying meaning that whatever next step of awareness and enlightenment anyone is invited to take is always challenging. We hope the path will be a gentle glide up and paradoxically, it may feel more like a path down before it seems to rise up.

 

Yes, our growth path can bring ‘new eyes’ and a new way of seeing present and past experiences. We see from a new point of view that allows us to make different choices. But now, the challenge living out the truth we’ve discovered and that means facing challenges, going deeper into awareness. Using spirituality to avoid this path is called “spiritual bypassing” and it will not only delay our growth but those “shadow” parts we avoid will eventually come out sideways in unwise and unloving ways.

 

Spiritual and personal growth is not like biological growth. Plants grow almost automatically when they have the right soil, moisture and sun. Human growth requires 1) Clear Intentions, 2) Circumstances that Challenge, and 3) Choices that Change.

 

Clear Intentions – We are designed to find joy and meaning as we live ‘on purpose.’ I can’t imagine a cow asking, “Who am I?” since coyness is hard-wired into its brain. Our unique gift of choice is portrayed in the Genesis story where Adam and Eve had a choice to either live within God’s intimate presence and wisdom or to be independent and use their own wisdom. They chose poorly and the Good News is that Christ, the second Adam, re-chose well for all humanity to rediscover both intimate presence here-and-now as well as participation in the wisdom of Father, Son and Spirit to discern and discover our “clear intentions” that reflect that wisdom.

 

Circumstances that Challenge – We will all face challenges to living our “clear intentions.” Some are consequences due to previous unwise choices. The unwise choices other people made may continue to affect us. All of our challenges are opportunities to turn “clear intentions” into growth. We fall for another lie when we believe that “If my intentions are strong, pure, holy, etc., then unhappy circumstances will automatically change.” Wrong! God’s goal is not to make us painlessly happy but to wisely lead us into healthy and loving growth.

 

Choices that Change – Being formed in the image of Christ involves making different choices. Faith is more than believing something is true; it is the knowing by the experience of actually acting on its truthfulness. Our pattern of choosing the old way is familiar and the new way can seem very hard; yet, its purpose is life transforming. All of the intentions in the world will not have the long-lasting effect of creating Christ-likeness unless we put it into practice.

 

For Reflection:

How has the belief “life should be easier than it is” affected your experience of joy and peace?

 

Have you been tempted to use some method of “spiritual bypassing” to avoid facing some old “shadow” issues that remain from the past?

 

Share a situation where you see that you used the “three-stage growth model” successfully.

 

Most of us would not pay to see a movie or to read a book that described someone’s ‘perfect’ life where they never faced any difficult challenges?

 

Isn’t it strange that we want to see others face challenges and grow but feel like we “should” be exempt from them?

 

 

Dr. Paul D. Fitzgerald, ©2017 HeartConnexion Seminars

Use Your “Points of Power” to Clarify Your Vision

 

We all have the choice to either live our vision of God’s will for our life or to live within the vision that someone else has for us. The Biblical warning that “without a vision, people perish” is not about going to hell. It is about the living hell that often results when we are living someone else’s vision more than our own vision. For example, the vision an addict [spouse, parent or child] has for us is that we will not interfere with them getting their fix and we will not hold them accountable for their choices. The same is true for those of us who live with an abuser, a controller, a people-pleaser, a what-would-the-neighbors-thinker, etc. Then we wonder why we are depressed and frustrated! After choosing to change our lives we often ask, “Why did I put up with that stuff for so long?” The answer is usually that we lost our vision and began to fit into someone’s vision for us.

 

I can’t understate the importance of having a personal mission statement and a vision statement of what that mission would look like if it was lived out according to God’s will and grace. Yet, writing effective personal mission and vision statements can be challenging. In Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, Betty Edwards describes how she teaches beginning artists to not draw what they see, but to draw the spaces and what is not there. The trick is to be able to focus the mind on the spaces rather than the object. It really does help beginning artists. This is also a good way to approach defining our personal mission and vision for our life.

 

Have you ever had one of those moments when you clearly realized what was making you unhappy or frustrated? That is a “point of power.” If we clearly define how we do not want things to be in our life and then imagine the opposite as present, we have the basis for a new vision and power to change. If we identify all the things we are no longer willing to put up with (i.e. tolerate) and eliminate them, then our personal vision will be clear. We can then decide whether we are going to live out our personal vision or continue to live out someone else’s vision for us.

 

Changing our personal vision may empower the people in our life to change their vision too. On the other hand, it may confirm that they are not willing to change. Often both sides of a relationship desperately want to change what is not working, but don’t know how or where to begin. Identify and clearly communicate the behaviors that you no longer want to tolerate. Don’t simply identify other the person as intolerable. By letting go of trying to change them, we may empower them to make a choice to change.

 

Find your points of power and clarify your personal vision!

 

For Reflection:

Are you on contract?

 

Who are you?

 

How have you shifted positions this week?

 

What were the results?

 

How did you share your heart this week?

 

What was your private victory?

 

What challenge are you facing?

 

How can we help?

 

How would your life be different if you used this HeartConnexion Tool?

 

 

Dr. Paul D. Fitzgerald, ©2017 HeartConnexion Seminars

Lift the Level of Your Conversations on Purpose

 

A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!

 

It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.

 

This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can’t tame a tongue—it’s never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women He made in His image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth!

 

My friends, this can’t go on. A spring doesn’t gush fresh water one day and brackish the next, does it? Apple trees don’t bear strawberries, do they? Raspberry bushes don’t bear apples, do they? You’re not going to dip into a polluted mud hole and get a cup of clear, cool water, are you? – James 3:5-12 The Message

 

Many of our daily conversations are routine and have little emotional impact. Other exchanges leave us feeling positive and uplifted or negative and downhearted. Does your contribution in those dialogs raise or lower the level of the conversation? Are you aware of how you impact conversations in your everyday experience? Would you be willing to ask for feedback?

 

Conversations can be lifting or depressing, engaging or alienating, imprisoning us in the past or lifting us into the future. Has anyone imprisoned your identity by the way they talk with you or about you? Do your parents still talk to you and to others about you as if you are still a young child? If so, is there any wonder that talking to them feels alienating? Does your spouse continue to bring up old, unfinished business in here-and-now conversations? Does anyone continue to speak as if you are a disappointment to him or her? Is it surprising that couples and co-workers seem locked in conflict when their conversation patterns focus on each other’s faults?

 

The Good News is that we get to decide whether we are going to lift or lower the level of our conversations. Jesus is a great example of lifting conversations. Recall His first meeting with Nathaniel whose prejudice about Jesus’ hometown made him ready to lower the conversation. Instead of being defensive Jesus said, “There’s a real Israelite, not a false bone in his body.” In a single sentence, Jesus set the tone for positive relationship. Remember the woman at the well? He turned a common request for a drink of water into an eternal conversation that impacted her whole village.

 

What difference do individual conversations make? How did you feel the last time someone lifted a conversation with you to a positive level? What about your feelings when someone took it down? For 30 years John Woolman spoke to fellow Quaker slaveholders one-by-one and asked, “How can you justify this practice to your children?” He was not popular for raising this uneasy question, yet he did lift the level to a higher perspective and persuaded his fellow Quakers to abandon holding slaves a full 100 years before our nation would come to it.

 

What is your plan to intentionally lift the level of the conversations in your life?

 

For Reflection:

What percentage of your conversations this week was routine or negative or discouraging? Why

 

Share an example of how a recent conversation pointed out your faults or alienated you?

Discuss how you can choose to be truthful and not defensive?

 

What ways could you/can you choose to take the lead in lifting the level of conversations in your life?

 

How would your life be different if you started using this tool for HeartConnexion living?

 

 

Dr. Paul D. Fitzgerald, ©2017 HeartConnexion Seminars

Adapted from Teach Your Team to Fish by Laurie Beth Jones

Don’t Expect Your Critics to Applaud Your Growth

 

Our personal growth does not destroy our internal critic (or, whatever name you give it). That is the critical voice, sometimes whispering and often yelling, “OK, so you made it through BreakThrough, but you will fail out here!” “I’m still here, you didn’t do it right.” “See, you have so much more work to do. You just wasted your time.” “You can’t do anything right.” “No one else is struggling.” “Who are you kidding – – change your life?” Do any of these sound familiar?

 

While our internal critic has no basis in reality, the voice is so familiar and convincing. It is the voice that keeps away from discovering the fundamental lie we accepted out of out pain and past that we believe is the ultimate truth. When we realize that these are not messages from God, or anyone even remotely important, then we can begin counteract them with personal affirmations. While this may seem simplistic, taking this action reinforces our self-respect and the internal critic loses the power to control our lives.

 

Our internal critic may set us up for self-sabotage by using an external critic – those poisonous playmates we all seem to have. So often, we feel that the real test of the validity of our growth is the applause of our most negative critic. We share our heart with this critical person and then we are surprised when they criticize our changes and minimize our growth.

 

Negative people have a pay-off for being stuck – no accountability! Your changes threaten their avoidance and defense systems. They will call you selfish and wrong for changing from the person you “should” be for them. Your growth can trigger their feelings of being abandoned (just like we may have been at other times) and spin them into angry rejection.

 

Stuck people will challenge you to remember your responsibility to them rather than encourage you to be responsible to yourself. They are often “fixer-upper” relationships and high maintenance people who choose to stay in self-pity. Expecting them to applaud your personal growth is unrealistic and self- defeating.

 

Use discretion about when and to whom you share your heart. Some friends may hear you and support you. Others will want to see your changes in action before they are ready to hear what you say. Sadly, some may never acknowledge your growth. The immediate reactions of others may be a poor test to determine the value of your growth. Do what you need to do in order to keep the affirmation of your worth, and then sharing your heart with others will result in enhanced self-respect and a value for others – even the ones who cannot acknowledge it yet.

 

For Reflection:

What have you heard your internal critic say to you this week?

 

What affirmation did you give yourself? Or could you have given yourself?

 

Do you have “fixer-uppers” or high maintenance relationships in your life?

 

Have you felt worthy, respected or valued by someone in your life this week? How?

 

How would your life be different if you started using this tool for HeartConnexion living?

 

 

Dr. Paul D. Fitzgerald, ©2017 HeartConnexion Seminars

Keep Gratitude in Your Life

by Keeping Perspective About Life

 

It is incredibly easy to lose our perspective about life, which, in turn, distorts our point of view about reality, our motivation and limits our experience of gratitude. Have you ever admitted that you were “making a mountain out of a molehill?” Isn’t it easier to see when other people are doing it? How high was your awareness of gratitude while that was happening? Our natural tendency is to view life as if our immediate story, the situations and struggles in our life, as the center of the universe. Our individualistic culture values a self-centered point of view. We know better, but it happens anyway. We have to choose to put energy into being proactive about keeping a larger perspective in order to keep gratitude in our life.

 

We can become so immune to the news about the world situation. In fact, we have to if we don’t want to put our story into perspective of the larger story of our world. Read the following list slowly. Try to put an individual’s face to each situation listed. Allow your self to know what actual people are facing today:

 

One of every three children lives with more than five people per room or with a mud floor.

Nearly 20% of the world’s children have no safe water to drink or have a 15-minute walk to water.

In Mozambique alone, 55 children die each day from diarrhea because of unsafe water and poor sanitation. Two-thirds of the population lives below the government’s poverty line – 40 cents per day.

In South East Asia alone, more than 90 million children go hungry every day.

134 million children between 7 – and 18 have never been to school.

In the Congo, more than 3.3 million have died from fighting began that began in 1998.

Rape is widely being used by combatants of all sides to spread systematic terror and shame. It also means death for many since 27 percent of rape victims tested positive for HIV.

Worldwide, an estimated 300,000 children under 15 have been recruited be armed forces and guerrilla groups as front-line combatants, sex-slaves and camp-slaves to cook and clean.

Armed conflict is being fought right now in at least 40 areas of the world. In just five countries (Afghanistan, Angola, Burundi, Democratic Republic of Congo and Sierra Leone), an estimated 4 million women and 6 million children under age 15 are in danger due to combat or its effects.

In 1900 civilian casualties of armed conflict was 5 percent but now nearly of 90 percent of the casualties are civilians – the majority of whom are women, children and the elderly.

In the past 10 years, more than 2 million children were killed in armed conflict, more that 4 million survived physical malnutrition and more that 1 million were orphaned or separated from their families as the result of wars.

 

Children worldwide are exposed to seeing gruesome bloodshed as an everyday occurrence leaving massive psychological trauma and hopelessness.

Approximately one out of 300 people on earth is a refugee, asylum seeker or returnee after being a refugee.

 

The reality of the larger story about life can be overwhelming to let into our point of view about life. It seems so difficult to know what to do about it, yet that acknowledgment is key to restoring our sense of gratitude. We do not have to deny that we face real life challenges to appreciate that many people in the world might gladly exchange places in a heartbeat.

 

It is not about simply feeling guilty about all our blessings but it is about being proactive to keep gratitude in our life. Without it we lose compassion. Without compassion we lose the message that our freedom as individuals is not freedom to just be self-indulgent but freedom to serve and influence others in healthy ways.

 

Take a few minutes and ask yourself how you can be proactive about keeping perspective and gratitude in your life. For some, it might even put dealing with family at Thanksgiving in a different light.

 

 

Dr. Paul D. Fitzgerald, ©20017 HeartConnexion Seminars

Tool for HeartConnexion® Living Tool

Practice Holy Remembering

 

We all have incredible capacity to remember when our souls were wounded and left feeling less-than-enough. Do you have any problem remembering your failures? Most of us find it easier to remember the times of failing to achieve a goal than to recall one that was accomplished. We often dismiss success as just good luck or we brush aside memories of an achievement by saying, “That really doesn’t count. It was not hard enough.”

 

Recalling life experiences that disgraced us is easy. Memories about experiencing grace or told that we are valuable or times when we exercised personal empowerment can disappear almost immediately through Unholy Remembering. Holy Remembering can help us tap into the power of positive memory:

 

A BT alumni discovered the power of Holy Remembering and shared this with his group:

 

“I woke up Sunday AM … without any energy. But I decided that I was going to church, even if it was the only thing I accomplished all day. Although I cannot remember exactly what triggered it, something in the sermon took me back to the many affirmations that I had received from you in BT. Suddenly I realized that not only had God not abandoned me, but my BT family was in my heart…you were all there with me this morning. And I am grateful to you all! I don’t know how many times I’ve heard “the process is never over.” Well, I can tell you, “hearts touching hearts” is never over either. And you didn’t even have to be there physically! I just want to thank you all for touching my heart this morning, when I needed it so badly!”

 

I congratulated him for sharing his experience:

 

As powerful as finding meaning through heart connections with others is at the time it happens, remembering the experience is a tool we can intentionally use to remind ourselves of the gifts others see in us. Remembering is a core purpose of attending church and participating in its liturgy (formal or informal). Part of the HeartConnexion liturgy is listening again to some of the BT music, remembering the gifts shared with us and gathering with our friends to retell the stories of surviving BT. Call it Holy Remembering! There is power in connecting with the Holy that is mediated through the affirmations of others and that power is more than momentary. It is just as available when we reconnect with it through remembering the blessings. If the bad of our past can rob us for years, why can’t the blessings of the past empower us for years? Is remembering a cure-all? No. Can it bless? Yes! – Dr. Paul

 

Holiday gatherings like Thanksgiving, BT alumni reunions, and even funerals are times of remembering. Will they be dominated by remembering old wounds, injustices, and the unfairness of losses or by intentionally practicing Holy Remembering? What if we intentionally recall our achievements without minimizing their significance…recall the progress made toward goals rather than how far we still fall short of accomplishing them…recall the blessings and gifts that others have affirmed in us rather than our shortcomings and self- judgments?

 

As a pastor friend often said, “You can’t keep a bird from flying over your head but your don’t have to let it make a nest in your hair.” In other words, none of us can control the memories that come into our awareness but we can make choices about the energy we will give to them. In the place of Unholy Remembering, we can express gratitude in person, by telephone or email or by sending a note. We can create opportunities to gather with friends and remember the blessings shared. We can choose to practice Holy Remembering. What difference could these practices of Holy Remembering make in your life?

 

For Reflection:

What are the common ways you use to discount your successes?

 

How could your life be different if you could not remember any negative experiences?

 

Is Thanksgiving more likely to be a time of Holy or Unholy Remembering for you? Why?

 

What are some specific ways you can begin to practice Holy Remembering?

 

How would your life be different if you started using this tool for HeartConnexion living?

 

 

Dr. Paul D. Fitzgerald, ©2017 HeartConnexion Seminars

Personal and Spiritual Growth Requires

Seeing Through Our Illusions

 

“Jesus brought a revolution in the understanding of God. It is impossible to exaggerate the extravagance of the Father’s compassion and love. …To pray to any god other than the Father who finds sheer delight in reconciliation is illusion, cowardice, and superstition.” (p. 45) – A Glimpse of Jesus: the Stranger to Self-Hatred by Brennan Manning

 

By definition an illusion does not describe reality. It is a way of “not-seeing” that avoids the reality we don’t necessarily want to see. The media bombards us with cultural illusions including: “Everyone can be a real estate millionaire with nothing down.” “If you work hard enough anyone can live the American Dream.” “We can avoid aging.” “You can be instantly happy, you don’t need to wait for anything.” etc. These illusions powerfully sell false hope most when dealing with the realities of life seems too harsh.

 

We also have personal illusions – positive or negative – about life, including: “I never need anyone to help me.” “I can’t change anything.” “I will be healthy until I get really old.” “If I raise my children right they will not stray from my faith.” All of our illusions are subtle substitutes for a deep and intimate trusting relationship with God. Far too often we have believed in them and asked God to make them true for us, sometimes at the expense of others. Is your faith journey equipping you to handle the realities of life or more of an attempt to draw up more illusions to avoid them?

 

Spiritual disciplines like prayer, fasting, journaling, meditation, retreats (particularly silent retreats) all have a primary purpose of helping us strip away illusions so we can face reality in the presence of God. However, trusting that God will help us deal with reality can seem more dangerous than maintaining our old illusions.

 

John’s Gospel begins chapter 9 with the simply statement Jesus saw a man born blind. The disciples did not have the same point of view. Jesus saw the reality of the situation and the disciples saw a example of an endless theological debate – “who sinned, this man or his parents?” Later in the story, the Pharisees could not see the miracle because Jesus healed the man on the Sabbath. Their point of view did not allow that healing could happen on the Sabbath. They accused the man and his parents of being sinners since they refused to go along with “not seeing the miracle.”

 

Jesus ends the story with a powerful declaration. I came into the world to bring everything into the clear light of day, making all the distinctions clear, so that those who have never seen will see, and those who have made a great pretense of seeing will be exposed as blind. Some Pharisees overheard him and said, Does that mean you’re calling us blind? Jesus said, If you were really blind, you would be blameless, but since you claim to see everything so well, you’re accountable for every fault and failure.

 

Healthy spirituality is about being open to see reality without illusion. It is about becoming open to an intimate, trusting relationship with God who is present, loving and capable to help us make real-life choices rather than clinging to illusions to avoid our fear of facing reality. The healthy spiritual journey does not lead to protection from reality but the risk of real life faith-adventure and co-creating with God.

 

For Reflection:

What is your personal heart-reaction to the quote from Brennan Manning? Is that your image of God?

 

How did one of your self-limiting tapes serve as an illusion to keep you from seeing options?

 

How has seeing through your old illusions changed your sense of accountability?

 

How can we encourage you as you continue to face your reality challenges?

 

How would your life be different if you started using this tool for HeartConnexion living?

 

 

Dr. Paul D. Fitzgerald, ©2017 HeartConnexion Seminars

Choose the Fundamental Source of Your Self-Worth

 

“If, when we were at our worst, we were put on friendly terms with God by the sacrificial death of his Son, now that we’re at our best, just think of how our lives will expand and deepen by means of his resurrection life! Now that we have actually received this amazing friendship with God, we are no longer content to say it in plodding prose. We sing and shout our praises to God through Jesus, the Messiah!” – Romans 4:6 f – The Message

 

What is the source of your self-worth – not just in theory but in your everyday experience? Who could say to you, “You are incredibly valuable.” and you would never doubt your self-worth again? Aren’t we all looking for some person or some experience to affirm to us that we are valuable and that we will remain valued without having to perform perfectly? Who could really do that for you? Where are you looking?

 

Nowhere in the Bible is there any support for the idea that we will find our value by matching as closely as possible some ideal physical appearance. There is no Scriptural suggestion to seek our value in possessions, or in the choices our children do or don’t make, or in the degree of perfection in doing good works (even ministry), or in meeting our family’s expectations, or in a thousand other things or other people. There is no stability in the affirmation of things or people. We are at risk if they withdraw the praise or if we lose the possession. The result is fear, not freedom.

 

In the passage above, Paul teaches us that God has already extravagantly declared our self-worth through Christ’s death and that His desire for friendship with us is eternally valid. That truly is Good News! Doesn’t it seem strange that we allow the absence of socially accepted sources of self-worth, or the lack of validation in our vocation, or even the lack of affirmation by peers or family members to rob us of the declaration of our worth by God? Why does our heart sometimes beat so excitedly after receiving praise from an earthly authority figure and yet seem so calm when we read passages of Scripture like the one above?

 

There is a story about a young person seeking spiritual maturity who asked his spiritual mentor how to best respond to criticism and to praise. The young seeker was told, “Go to a graveyard and criticize the dead as loud as you can.” Later, the mentor asked what the dead had done in response to criticism. The seeker responded, “Nothing. They remained silent.” The mentor then said, “Go back and praise them loudly.” The young seeker returned later and reported that the dead stayed just as silent as before. The wise mentor suggested, “Do the same as the dead; human judgment no longer affects them for they stand always in the sight of God.”

 

We all like the praise of people who are close to us or whose opinions are important to us. We all dread the criticism of the same people. We want to stand before them looking good and avoid them when we can’t come off looking so together. That is about being human. Yet, we have a choice to not allow their praise or their criticism to become the primary source of our self-worth. From the earliest days of the church, believers have intentionally practiced spiritual disciplines to remind themselves of the lavish invitation to lead lives that expand and deepen their experience of the love relationship with God. We, too, can remind ourselves of the God whom we “stand before” and who takes great delight in us, even now before we die. This has the capacity to increase our awareness of the presence of the Holy Spirit as comforter, as confidant and as guide. That is real freedom.

 

What spiritual disciplines could you use to increase your awareness of His eternal delight in you? How would your life change if you were consistently aware of God’s delight in you, rather than remembering it “once in a while on a really good day?” What time and sacrifice are you willing to exchange to experience that kind of affirmation and freedom?

 

For Reflection:

Are you on contract?

 

Who are you?

 

How have you shifted positions this week? What were the results?

 

How did you share your heart this week?

 

What was your private victory?

 

What challenge or dilemmas are you facing and how can we help?

 

How would your life be different if you started using this tool for HeartConnexion living?

 

 

Dr. Paul D. Fitzgerald, ©2017 HeartConnexion Seminars

Story adapted from A Guide to Prayer for All God’s People, Upper Room Press, 1990

Stop Tolerating

 

What are you merely “tolerating” in your life right now? Most of us were taught that complaining is not “nice.” We were told, “Don’t rock-the-boat.” or “Just be thankful for what you have.” or “Be cooperative and go along with the others.” and “Don’t be so difficult.” This advice is not always wrong; however, there is a distinction between tolerating life and adjusting to life.

 

To “tolerate” means to compromise our core values, boundaries and standards — often to avoid the anxiety of facing an issue or to avoid a potential conflict should we stop our pattern of tolerating and get healthy. We step over our feelings in order to avoid conflict with someone else. Small tolerations build up and drain us of emotional energy. Eventually, tolerating can lead us to shut down or to explode. Or, we can make the changes needed to stop tolerating.

 

There are some situations where there is little we can do to change reality. To stop tolerating, we have to do the adjusting. And, to “adjust” is an important life skill. Adjusting is not denial; it a choice to respond honestly and let go of the need to change reality. Tolerating is usually a reaction to avoid facing a situation. The well-known Serenity Prayer puts it this way: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

 

What happens when we are merely tolerating?

 

Our life choices become mediocre.

Our work becomes mediocre.

We are tired and our creativity is squelched.

 

What happens when we stop tolerating?

 

We speak from our heart more and communicate more effectively. We begin to step-over less and deal with our issues appropriately. We are happier and more fun to be around.

 

10 Steps to a Toleration-Free Life

1. Get that “just putting up” with things as-they-are is not good for anyone.
2. Make a list of 10 things you are merely tolerating around your home.
3. Make specific requests or take appropriate actions to eliminate these 10 things.
4. Make a list of 10 things you are tolerating at work.
5. Make requests or take appropriate actions to eliminate these 10 things.
6. Become honest about how much emotional energy is being drained by your tolerations.
7. Be willing to become a toleration-free-zone and step over nothing.
8. Stop all complaining and start making specific requests.
9. Be willing to invest $$$ to eliminate the chores or tasks you hate doing, or learn to adjust.
10. Do steps 1 – 9 over again, after you’ve done all of them once.

 

For Reflection:

Are you on contract?

 

Who are you?

 

How have you shifted positions this week? What were the results?

 

How did you share your heart this week? What was your private victory?

 

What challenge or dilemmas are you facing and how can we help?

 

How would your life be different if you started using this tool for HeartConnexion living?

 

 

Dr. Paul D. Fitzgerald, ©2017 HeartConnexion Seminars

Five Truths About Fear

 

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV

 

What are your false-beliefs (tapes) about experiencing fear? One of the most paralyzing may be: “I should never experience any fear.” Others include: “I can’t make a choice if I have any fear.” and “There is always less risk in not changing.” The truth is that fear is a God-designed feedback mechanism. Our awareness of its presence alerts us to our perception of risks in the situation at hand. Fear is not a character flaw. Experiencing fear is not foolish. Fear itself is not a predictor of our potential for failure or success. It is critical to be aware of fearful feelings; listen to its message; realistically evaluate the risk; and then, choose how we will respond. The fear of diving into a lake without first knowing the depth of the water is clearly grounded in reality but other fears that keep us from being intimate with loved ones may more old tapes than reality. How could your life be different if you believed these five truths about fear?

 

Five Truths About Fear:

1. I will experience fear as long as I continue to grow outside my emotional, spiritual and relational comfort zones.
2. Fear is a caution signal whenever I am about to step outside past experience. I will not allow it to be an automatic stop signal that takes away my choice.
3. As hard as it can be, facing the fears that rob me of the quality of life I want is key to building my resiliency and positive self-esteem.
4. I am not alone in experiencing fear in unfamiliar situations. Everyone does. So, experiencing fear does not make me terminally unique.
5. In the long run, pushing through my fear of healthy change is less risky than living with helplessness that paralyzes my growth and robs me of self-worth.

 

By examining our fears we can become aware about how our perception (often old tapes) about reality affect the quality of our life. We do not have to remain prisoners of our past or of the self-limiting experiences of previous generations. If our goal is to avoid any fearful feelings, we will be disappointed. We have the power to act against fear rather than just react. We have the power to make self-caring choices without fearing that we are self-centered failures. We have the power to create a meaningful life in the most miserable circumstances that life can hand us.

 

In our daily life fear has its place as feedback. Fear that is not reality-based is the enemy of the our spirit and of the Holy Spirit. God desires for us to experience a spirit of power to make faith-based choices; a spirit that is open to receiving love as well as giving love in spite of its risk; and, a spirit of self-discipline that refuses to allow fear to define the limits of our life. Truth about fear can set us free to create the life we want for ourselves and for our family that honors our spiritual journey.

 

For Reflection:

Which of mis-belief about fear has had the biggest impact on your past choices?

 

What did your experience of overcoming fear in the BT process teach you?

 

What is the most significant fear you are facing in your life right now? Is it reality based or illusion?

 

If I knew I did not have to do it perfectly, I would…. (complete the sentence.)

 

How would your life be different if you started using this tool for HeartConnexion living?

 

 

Dr. Paul D. Fitzgerald, ©2017 HeartConnexion Seminars